Icy Embrace
by DoubleEdgedSword99
Summary: It was wrong, somehow; filthy. Maybe it was the blood quickly drying down his neck in too-warm streaks... Or maybe it was the way Natsuno's eyes closed, and he greedily indulged in the memories of times when it was safe and warm in Tohru's arms, not cold and deadly at all. T for some serious shonen-ai, and angst.


**AN: It should be fairly easy to see where I'm coming from (since the events are in order)... I hope... (I ****know Tohru drinks Natsuno's blood four times, but I can only remember three, so I improvised!) If you haven't read up to this part, or haven't obsessed over these moments like I have, I don't think you'll have any idea what the hell is going on...**

**I'm sorry if I make Natsuno or Tohru OOC! **

_~ This (__~) is to introduce the introduction.~_

_This is a flashback._

**And **_this _**is **_something _**else.**

**Enjoy!**

**WARNINGS: YAOI! It's pretty obvious. Things will be super light until the third section-thing, then things... Yeah...**** But nothing above T. And slight language (the "s-h-word").**

**Disclaimer: *sigh* Another birthday passed, and yet, no, I didn't get Shiki.**

* * *

_~It was just too little...~_

**/.../**

It was an odd feeling.

Natsuno wasn't used to physical contact- especially not those cold, leaden arms that nothing, not even a pulse, flawed. The most alienating thing about it was that they were still so gentle; supported his back even as Tohru's teeth sank into his neck, and lapped at the ample flow of blood that issued from the puncture wounds. The stream of life, thinning with every passing moment, was not unlike the sounds of weak agony that escaped his covered mouth.

Although they were surrounded, it seemed as if it were only them, only the two of them...

_"Hey, Natsuno!"_

_Natsuno turned around, grudgingly, when the blonde's calls didn't cease in enthusiasm-or volume- for the next few minutes. He forced down the small smirk that threatened to morph into an actual smile, and fro__wned instead._

_"__Don't call me that.__ What now?"_

_Tohru held up a finger, as if to tell him to wait. Not in any way meeting these demands, Natsuno rolled his eyes, turned, and continued steadily onward. He had missed the bus, thanks to The Person __following him, and was therefore in a worse mood than usual._

_The footfalls grew in volume behind him. He could hear Tohru's labored breathing come closer, and sped up ever so slightly. If Tohru wanted to "become closer," Natsuno would not make it an easy j__ob. So it irked him when Tohru was able to quickly match his pace._

_"..."_

_This (lack of) greeting was met with an effortless grin; and Natsuno prepared to be talked at. He took a deep breath, and waited._

_...But he was pleasantly surprised. Tohru didn't even__ attempt to make conversation, he just walked beside him with a sincere, serene smile gracing his face. What surprised Natsuno even more was that he himself was content to walk with the friendly blonde._

_They walked for a few minutes more, in a peaceful sil__ence. The air was thick and fragrant; cicadas were already beginning to sing. It would be summer soon... Good. Another year gone in this pointless stretch of waste._

_Natsuno was so deep in thought that he didn't even see the (obvious) branch in front of __him. While Tohru leaped over it with a laugh, Natsuno walked into it. And tripped._

_Just great. He could already predict his mother's reaction- "Oh, Natsuno, you didn't get into another fight, did you?"- and Shimizu's non-stop worrying over his (small) scra__pe. And, on top of it all, he had almost zero pain tolerance._

_Stupid branch._

_He flinched, waiting with eyes closed, for the inevitable fall- and instead, only felt the slightest pressure on his arm. Opening his eyes, he saw one of Tohru's hands on his own;__ the other was steadying the small of his back; to an onlooker, it would have seemed as if the two teens were dancing. Natsuno righted himself quickly, and shook off Tohru's hand that lingered, concerned, o__n his back. The one on his arm slid to cradle his hand and __stayed there, desp__ite Natsuno's insistent shaking and prying of it._

_"Hey, I didn't know you were a klutz, Nat~su~nooo~!" Tohru sang, and Natsuno's scowl increased by a few wrinkles._

_"...Thank you." He ignored the comment of his lack of coordination (and the use of his hated__ first name), and decided to focus on the hand holding his. His pointed glare was rejected, and Tohru walked on, swinging their linked fingers._

_" 'Welcome!"_

_The silence was almost awkward now, but again, Tohru didn't seem to feel the need to break it. Almo__st as if he were waiting for Natsuno to say something, instead._

_"Hey, let go!" Natsuno finally voiced his thoughts, out of plain __obligation. He__ actually didn't mind it, the slight pressure, the warmth, but the oddness of holding another man's hand over-rule__d it all._

_"Why? It's only the two of us."_

_Natsuno bit his lip. Tohru was right, for once. Well... If it was only going to ever be the two of them..._

_"...Fine."_

Those days were over, obviously. The peaceful days would never return again- he wouldn't trip over bitter words again. He wouldn't let anyone hold his hand and guide him, again.

"I'm so sorry..." Tohru whispered, unhinging his fangs from Natsuno's taut throat, as Natsuno felt the earth twist and rush around him.

Natsuno hoped that, for the rest of his nights that would undoubtedly be the color of dried blood, Tohru would be haunted by the nihilistic, unforgiving light in his eyes that reflected the scarce stars.

**/.../**

"Let's run away together."

How cliché- the pessimist turned optimistic, turned prey, the friend turned pessimist, turned predator.

He had truly thought Tohru would agree to running away- it was a simple plan, but the brilliant logic of it couldn't be negotiated. How idiotic...

At least, the pain of supernatural fangs baring themselves into his vein was only equivalent to a shot, instead of a tooth-pick being forced into his neck, like last time. He could feel Tohru's influence sliding through his veins...

He had foolishly thought that everything could be all right, that the hunger wouldn't be as bad as he acted... Not as overpowering, not painful, not like it would tear a hole through your gut and make your eyes go wide and crazed as Tohru's were now. He had always had an over-large appetite, though... Maybe- but it was only a fool that hoped.

Huh. Well, it wasn't a first, really. Hadn't he been made a fool of, when his barriers, so carefully constructed, were broken down in just three simple months, by the very person killing him?

So ironic.

_"..."_

_Natsuno surveyed the spectacle before him with__ mingled disgust and amusement. Tohru, as if __sensing__ his scrutiny, looked up._

_"Mmmph-hmsh?"_

_Natsuno shook his head, and turned back to his own plate, carefully cutting the rare meat into meticulous pieces. Even though he couldn't block out the sound of To__hru's chomping and slurping, messy exclamations of enjoyment-_

_"No, sherioshly, whatsh up?"_

_He appreciated Tohru's attempt to swallow the boatload of food he had somehow fit into his mouth, __despite the fact that he suspected The Bite wasn't all down. He looked up, and swallowed before answering._

_"Nothing... Thank you for the food, it's really good," Natsuno replied, now looking at Tohru's mother. Better to thank her now, because he couldn't g__o on for much longer._

_Tohru sensed his weariness and grinned, showing him the impressive collection of food accumulated between his teeth. Natsuno shuddered, and Tohru laughed. Ducking to one side, Natsuno just barely missed the meaty spray of spit._

_"Tohru__!" His mother scolded, and the rebuffed son swallowed hastily._

_Later that night (when all of the meat had been consumed, and when Tohru had been forced into flossing), Tohru had somehow convinced him to sleep on his bed, as opposed to the floor, as usual. __Their positions on the (only, small) bed were a little like their relationship- Tohru on the left, spread eagled, and Natsuno on the right, in such a position that if he were to roll over, he would fall out. Despite Natsuno's apprehension, as the night pas__sed, his tension dissolved. The sheets smelled like Tohru, and their shared body heat made him drowsy. It was nice, sleeping with him._

_Immediately, his body caught on fire as his awkward wording registered. He was debating the fallout of the pointed conver__sation he would be on the receiving end of in the morning, versus the merits of sleeping on the floor, when Tohru rolled over and snaked an arm across his shoulders. Effectively ensnaring Natsuno in his arms._

_"Oh, come on," Natsuno said into the darkness, __happy that no cliché quavering entered his voice, "there's no way you could be asleep and still do that." Maybe it wasn't his most biting or in any way witty remark, but it carried his point across just fine._

_"Caught me," Tohru muttered back, into Natsuno'__s neck, "but maybe I'm carrying out your subconscious desires for human contact. We all need friends, you know."_

_Natsuno let the seconds tick by, hoping that the second course of fire that was currently circulating inside him instead of blood, would die do__wn soon._

_"Nah," Tohru reconsidered, "I think it's because you make a good pillow. You're soft, you know that?"_

_Natsuno didn't struggle like his brain was commanding him. Instead, he exhaled, and let himself drift to sleep, relieved that Tohru wasn't about __to get serious. Maybe he had been feeling oddly uncomfortable around his first close friend lately, but it was nothing to get worried about... Chalk it up to teenage hormones (finally kicking in), and move on._

_After all, there was no way Yuuki Koide Natsun__o was about to fall in love, especially if it was a guy from Sotoba._

It didn't matter if Tohru had a bad appetite or not- Natsuno would be waiting until he was drained. Because, no matter how hard he tried to deny it, he had been ensnared long before those arms trapped him that night.

He tried to look cold, and unforgiving, but it was hard to do that when he was so exhausted. He doubted Tohru would notice he was out, anyway. The monster showed no sign of stopping his feast over such a trivial matter.

He watched as things spiraled again, detached. Ah, well.

**/.../**

Any knock on his window still sent him into a cold sweat. All day, he heard it, even though he had never seen a shiki emerge from their darkness. When night fell, he lay in wait, feeling permanently helpless. He didn't, however, wish he could take it back. The flick of his finger that opened his window to his dead friend.

The whole thing had a morbidly amusing irony to it. Tohru had made his life a little better back then, a little longer. It hadn't seemed like much. It was the small, erratic beats of his heart that had kicked up, in the last of their live encounters, that seemed like too much for him to feel. Now, Tohru's teeth would be sinking into his neck a third time and tearing up again, hoping to keep only himself, and undoubtedly his family, alive.

Well, Natsuno understood. Would he really have made another choice, if it had been him instead of Tohru?

He heard the soft calling of the sinfully familiar voice. The shadow of the hand- trembling slightly- met the window and they greeted each other with a thump. Tohru knocked twice, then hesitated to raise his hand a third time, probably debating whether or not to order Natsuno to open the window.

He shouldn't have to- Natsuno was struggling out of bed as he started to speak. His limbs were heavy, but not leadenly so. Just alien-like in their disobedience. He faltered as his skin touched the cold, wooden floor, and stumbled slightly. He regained his balance and slid his way to the window, closed by another- probably his father- and opened it with a strange, trance-like clumsiness.

He didn't look at Tohru as he toiled to make his way outside. He ended up swinging his legs out of the opening, and sliding to the ground. He was saved the indignity to sliding into a heap at Tohru's feet by Tohru's cold hands themselves- which he flinched away from instantly.

Tohru's hands lingered, and Natsuno shrugged them away. An awkward, stifling silence fell between them.

"Well, go on, then," Natsuno said dully, pulling his over-long, damp-with-sweat hair away from his neck. Tohru stiffened, and looked as if he was about to say something.

"What would you say," Natsuno said, scornfully this time, still waiting. "good try? Maybe next time? Game over?"

Tohru looked down. "No, just... Sorry."

That was what made it all seem so funny. Instead of laughing, though, Natsuno felt like throwing his arms around Tohru, and transporting them both to the beginning of summer, where, when Tohru would first greet him, he could smile back.

Tohru broke the tension first. As he opened his mouth to bar his fangs, Natsuno looked over the vampire's shoulder and saw the person who had started it all- Megumi Shimizu. She was hanging on that tree again, staring at then with the eyes of a greedy old man. She felt his eyes, and focused on him, then waved.

Funny, how fitting it was.

_Tohru was, for the first time, at Natsuno's house instead of his own. It felt a bit... Wrong. This was out of the ordinary- out of their schedule of Natsuno walking with him to the bus stop, doing his homework at Tohru's__ house with his old textbooks, may__be staying for dinner and then __overnight..._

_Now, Tohru was flopped on Natsuno's bed, while Natsuno did his homework with his own, barely used books. It was Tohru flipping through the __magazines;__ however, it was still Tohru__ who instigated a stream of commentary._

_"I mean, look at this," he was saying, holding out the magazine, flapping it in Natsuno's general direction, "Who would buy this?"_

_Natsuno grunted._

_"Well," Tohru laughed quietly, "I guess I would..."_

_A few more minut__es passed in silence, broken only by the scratching of Natsuno's pencil against cheap paper, and Tohru fluttering through pages, sighing every once in a while._

_The compatible quiet was bordering on awkward, and Natsuno was grateful (for once) that his moth__er was nosey enough to knock and offer snacks, which Tohru pounced on with admirable and boyish enthusiasm. Natsuno's mother gave the two one last, curious look as she shut the door behind her._

_Again, silence. Broken only by chewing._

_Tohru looked out the __window with a studious expression, as if working to memorize each and every detail of the spotless, squeaky sill. Natsuno grimaced- his mother would berate him mercilessly after she observed their silence._

_Natsuno gave Tohru a hasty nod as he made to colle__ct the dishes. He didn't notice Tohru observe something beyond his range of sight, and stiffen._

_So it took him completely by surprise when Tohru mirrored his upward motion, crashing into him, angling downwards onto Natsuno's bed._

_"Wha-?" Natsuno began, bu__t Tohru silenced him by a forceful thumb. Too quickly for Natsuno to comprehend, his friend leaned forward and kissed... His finger?_

_"Mmph!" Natsuno could only utter the nonsensical word. It was too weird for him to take in- Tohru had laid his thumb across__ Natsuno's lips, hidden by their close contact, and was- for lack of a better word- making out with it._

_For the first time in his life, Natsuno really didn't know what was going on._

_He did, however, begin to piece the puzzle together when he heard a shocke__d, quite obviously female gasp. When Tohru came up for air, he made for Natsuno's ear. Natsuno tensed, wondering what new installment in his friends bizarre play would be next, and was relieved when only Tohru's breath met his ear, hidden by Natsuno's stir__red hair._

_"Look, I'm sorry about this," came the breathy whisper, "but I really couldn't take her staring and staring and staring at us like that! So, my plan. I'll explain later, but now- moan."_

_Natsuno complied (quietly!), conspiracy making him giddy. It__ (the simple brilliance of the plan, and shock, of course, not the close contact with Tohru) coursed through his veins, and made his voice breathy with held back laughter._

_"Shimizu?" Natsuno breathed, mouth hidden by Tohru's neck, and he felt him nod. "Thi__s is perfect! It will definitely drive her away! And she can't tell people, because it would be owning up to spying on me!" Tohru faked a nip at his ear, which Natsuno took as a sign of agreement._

_Tohru pulled back, and Natsuno took the time to spare a gla__nce at the window. He could faintly make an outline out from between the trees from where he was, watching the scheme unfold with what he hoped was disgust and dispair- what else could throw her off then the fact that he, supposedly, "swung that way?"_

_She __wasn't gone yet, though._

_Natsuno looked up at Tohru, expecting him to get off of him, or at least go back to "pleasuring him," aka, whispering- but what he didn't expect was for Tohru to duck down again, so quickly his speed seemed inhuman. Natsuno jerked __in surprise, slightly dislodging the perfect angle of Tohru's thumb, laid courteously across his still, almost-not virgin lips._

_It went from friendly fire to a blazing ring of sparks as their mouths made contact. Natsuno went even stiffer with renewed shoc__k, but Tohru was only momentarily motionless. Without a second thought, Tohru's lips started moving expertly-where did he learn this stuff?- on his, and Natsuno found himself, just like that, with his best friend's tongue in his mouth. Tohru hesitated, le__ery of Natsuno's usual dislike of contact, yet knowing Shimizu would be fully convinced if they began turning up the heat._

_Natsuno took a chance, and responded._

_And just like that, they were really, truly, kissing. It was like a billion bubbled popped in h__is stomach- it wasn't a painful sensation, just a gentle jolt. It made him feel as if he were heated putty in Tohru's maddeningly steady hands, and what was the oddest thing of all was that Natsuno found himself not minding it one bit._

_Now he was moaning f__or real into Tohru's mouth, and Tohru was moaning back and oh, wow, how did Tohru learn how to touch him so gently, driving him just a little insane?_

_The rustle of branches and unrestrained sobs broke into the golden haze on his mind, and Natsuno sat up qu__ickly, dislodging Tohru's loosened grip. Panting slightly, he watched Shimizu flee the scene of crime with a grim sort of satisfaction on his face._

_He let out a breath of relief._

_Then it hit him, what he had done._

_He had just been making out with his best __friend. He also didn't mind. Oh, God, he had moaned so loudly! His voice had quivered! Tohru had stopped before it escalated, but he made Tohru continue, and Tohru hadn't wanted to, and now..._

_SHIT._

_As his body went up into flames again, he dully wondered __how in this bitter-sweet world he could possible keep that much heat and color in his face. Slowly, he turned his head to look at Tohru, who was studying his hands with too much enthusiasm._

_Oh, he was so screwed._

_Natsuno cleared his throat, and the exact w__ay it shattered the silence was almost too much to bear._

_"Um, thanks..."_

_Apparently, whatever Tohru had been expecting was not this, because his head jerked upwards, but flinched away from Natsuno's gaze- which, to be honest, Natsuno didn't mind. Tohru's e__yes would always be burning with heat now, his lips curiously soft and tasting like the mint chapstick he carried in his pocket, his hands capable of so much more than mending a flat tire._

_Natsuno gave his brain a shake, and prepared for his first friend t__o say good-bye. When it didn't come, he elaborated._

_"I mean, for driving Shimizu away. That was really, uh, smart. And, oh, sorry for pushing you farther than...y'know..."_

_Natsuno's feeble attempt at an explanation died out in the recently-turned-warm air.__ He took a leaf out of Tohru's book and studied his sheets, untidied by the quick motions that had intoxicated him so inexplicably._

_Tohru looked up, and his gaze remained steady as he spoke._

_"Uhm, you're welcome... Sorry for springing that on you. And," he__ continued carefully, "I really didn't mind it that much."_

_Natsuno let out a lungful of relieved air. "Oh, good!" Natsuno blurted, unusually talkative, "But, y'know, you like that nurse, and I like city girls! Yeah, we don't- we aren't..."_

_Tohru's over-lou__d agreement branched into a conversation that only seemed to be a conformation._

_That day would turn from reality to memory, memory to legend, legend to myth. From there, it would dissolve into nothing, and no one would mind..._

_Except, maybe, on days that s__eemed a little too boring, he might try to lure Shimizu to his house, and invite Tohru over..._

Natsuno was broken from his deja-vu bitterness by the strange, creepy feeling of Tohru freeing his fangs from his neck. Tohru stepped back quickly, hands shoved into his pockets. Natsuno turned sluggishly, preparing to pull himself back into his room.

He should see Tohru's eyes being as cold as the glaciers he had been researching, lips flavored only by the sinner's red, hands capable of only destruction and violence, but he didn't.

Again, he really was made the ultimate fool.

He was interrupted by a snarl that was all-too familiar- the sound Shimizu made whenever she barred her fangs. Natsuno turned, slowly, and was met with the most terrifying sight he had ever seen.

It was one thing to see a friend, inevitably, with fangs and streaming eyes, but it was another thing entirely to see an ultimate stranger, one who, not so long ago, coveted his every word, standing with cat-like grace and deadly intent, eyes the shade of an imploding sun, flashingly white fangs elongating to bring him into a hunger-crazed dance.

Natsuno had never been one with a faint heart, but fear and blood loss combined to darken his vision to black, Tohru's enraged outline rushing to protect him, shouting a whisper that sounded something like "You'll kill him!"

The sounds of two invincible beast's fight muted to silence, and the darkness flirting with the edges of his senses, dousing them like lukewarm water, seemed so very inviting...

**/.../**

He had fought, fled, endured, stripped his soul bare, lay out his fears and grudging smiles, and all he got was a well in a vampire's eye that threatened to over-flow.

Even though his pitifully short life was now at its final strains, the diamond tears that fell onto his shoulder placated him. He supposed Tohru wasn't all gone, after all. He tried to give a tremulous smile, but it only heightened his weakness. He felt so weak, so betrayed, already dead...

He had never seen his friend cry before- Tohru was always the one to plaster smiles onto everyone's outlook (no matter how forced they were). And now he was sobbing as if he were the one in agony, as if his heart had broken.

Natsuno guessed that it had started to crack right when it stopped beating.

Natsuno had always thought his tears would be warm, like Tohru himself, but never this cold- like chunks of icy hail raining down their two frozen figures.

If Tohru was ice, than could Natsuno still melt him...?

_It was finally, finally, almost summer. One of Natsuno's last here; he had s__worn it too long ago._

_It wouldn't be long until the villagers would drag their lawn chairs out onto their porches, and gossiped with one another while the cubes of artificial sugar slowly melted at the bottom of their iced tea. They would prattle on about __meaningless things, and if they ran out of news, they would twist a conversation with a neighbor over a fence about weeds into a potential murder confession._

_The Ozaki Clinic would have a whole new wave of injuries- sprained wrists, or broken ankles from b__icycling too vigorously, or from dancing after having downed too much sake. But the doctor would take them all, muttering while hiding a smile about kids these days, while his mother called shrilly from another room. Maybe his wife would pull up in a shiny__, new car, and announce that she would be staying for a while._

_The temple would be busier in the summer. The crippled head priest would have a constant stream of hated well-wishers. Natsuno had heard his son's, __Sieshin's;__ new book was coming along fine. Ma__ybe it would bring new faces to Sotoba again, like it had a few months previous. It would be good to have city people in the deserted country._

_No one would have to suffer the heat unbearably long until the public pool would be opened- the younger ones would carpool for the long drive out to the school, while the older ones caught the bus. Maybe Shimizu wouldn't have a new, flashy swim suit to show off to him. If they got a new, tan, male lifeguard, instead of the old, grumpy, undeniably female one, maybe she'd forget Natsuno, and try to drown herself for attention instead. He could try opening up to one of the other kids, maybe. Akira or Kaori. They seemed intelligent (or at least real) enough._

_He wouldn't have long to wait until Tohru__ started his driving lessons. Maybe, when he got good enough, they could go to the city together. Maybe, they wouldn't have to come back._

_Yeah, Natsuno still hated living in Sotoba. He still hated the way everyone labeled and gossiped, or made a huge deal __out of the littlest things. He still liked being overlooked in a crowd, where he could observe before acting, better than being the center of a lonely town's attention._

_A lonely, narrow-minded town... A pair of well-meaning, but ultimately naive parents...__ A girl who stalked him, and knew nothing of the real world... A clumsy, idiotic, but kind boy who became his best friend..._

_If you looked at him, Natsuno had labeled them all._

_He could try to kick open the town. He could try to make his parents move back __to the city. He could still hate Shimizu, but he could try to tolerate her. And he could, maybe, maybe, slowly, open himself to the gentle tsunami that seemed to be Tohru._

_He still hated the place. He refused to stay there for much longer. He would have to__ sever all connections with it, eventually._

_But, with his whole life ahead of him, it was almost summer. And somehow, Natsuno couldn't wait for it to begin._

...No, he couldn't melt him, in the end.

He had broken all of his promises to himself. He was going to die in this wretched place. He had reached out from over his wall. He had accepted his defeat. He had failed.

He hoped he wouldn't rise. That he wouldn't become a monster. That it could end for him. What was left that was worth fighting for, anyway? Nothing. Not his parents, not his city, not keeping Akira or Kaori safe. They were doomed. Even fighting to keep Tohru from embracing himself as a monster was in vain, now. At least, if God was merciful enough to let him stay there, scattered in ashes amongst the city places, then he might be happy. Then he could pass it all off as a bad dream.

Oh, no, now things were warping again- but they weren't shaking and spiraling around him like the first time. And nothing was going black, it was just odd how everything was being slowly bleached to white. Tohru's pressure on his neck was lifting, his already quiet sobs were diminishing...

Maybe, if he was to be reborn, they could meet again, and this time, meet right.

**Don't rise.**

_Don'_

**t ris**

**e** **D**_on't_

_rise_

**D**

**on't**

_r_

**i...**

**se-**

**/.../**

_~...And just a little too late. ~_


End file.
